Is this story any good? I need some constructive critisism!?

its just a rough draft!

“The Change That Changes…Everything”

Have you ever had a best friend? Have you ever met someone that seems hard to live without? Have you ever wished that you could change something in the past? I did. It started when I met my friends in kindergarten. A small girl named Serena sat beside me on our first day. Although, she wasn’t sure who I was, she took the time to say hello. It was all new to me. This meeting new people thing. I’ve never been very good at it. I’m still not. She had light brown hair and sparkling blue eyes and pale white skin that seemed to glisten. I met another girl on my first day. Her name was Michelle. She had dark brown hair with black eyes. The skin that covered her – a light caramel color. The person I was closest to was a girl from Florida. She had brown hair and blue eyes. Her name was as simple as fall-Autumn. All my preschool friends were there too. Noah a boy with brown hair, not too dark but not too light and blue eyes. Meghan a small little girl with short blond hair and sparkling blue eyes. Another girl was Victoria her Madeline hair cut the color of chocolate. Her eyes black. My first day. I met friends. Surprisingly enough we stayed friends for a while too.

There was so much we did together. Jumped on trampolines, sang at the local bar together. That was quite a night. Michelle, Serena and another girl Hannah and I all went to the local bar to sing karaoke. Surfing U.S.A. was the song we chose to sing. What a night. Pitcher after pitcher of coca cola. We ate just about two whole pizza pies. Such fat kids! Memory after memory reminds me of all the things I did with them. We used to sit at a special spot in the classroom during snack time. Right by the trash can. We sat on beanbags. It started a club. Trash Can talk was the name. But of course the ruler of the club was Michelle. The bossy girl who controlled everyone. We would sit at the same lunch table everyday. Michelle, Serena, Victoria, Autumn and I. Same lunch table everyday. There were so many good memories but I just want to go back. Back in time when things were better. When nobody cared what anyone else did, how they dressed or even who they really were. But now it’s different. I haven’t had the time to digest the concept of our friendship. Nothing went right. Well, it must not have because i’m far from friends with any of them besides Autumn. Something happened that I still have yet to figure out. But all I can say is that everyone changed. Nothing is the same. And I knew then that I would never be friends with Serena ever again. Not one day in my life have I talked to her since. I never will.

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3 Responses to “Is this story any good? I need some constructive critisism!?”

  1. hannah! says:

    it’s good! i thought the beginning was a little od with all the hair colors and eye colors. the sentences were a little choppy, but i don’t know if that was your point or not. if you’ve read speak, it sorta read like that. i think it kinda skipped from kindergarten to older…that confused me…but otherwise i loved it! great story line ideas!

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